A 48 hour experience of BRAIDS, and being Judged…
A modern day story about people, judges, prison, and ONE MAN WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE. WWW.SPIFI.ME
Super Cutie Right????? I mean who doesn’t love them some BRAIDS???? I KNOW THAT I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED, THEM…. I felt different and not like everyone else… I loved how I felt and I loved that I was breaking out of the molds of WHAT I CALL “TRENDI-ISUM” The perfect and beautiful people….
I was and am authentically me. I love me some good old belly belting gospel singing Jesus Praising Sunday mornings, and also the quite reverence of being at Sacrament on Sundays too…
I am a non comformist you could say, at least that is what some of those I call friends say about me. I think I am just me, and others opinions well they hurt me if I consider them too much. I got texts and messages to see if I am okay? MAN, GO GET YOU SOME BRAIDS, BE DIFFERENT AND WATCH THOSE AROUND YOU SQUIRM LIKE A WORM ON FIRE.
THE ONLY REASON THEY ARE NOT IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW, IT CAUSE I CAN’T COMPETE AND GROW IN MY CHOSEN SPORT, MMA FIGHTING….
Lets see if I can push this body to the top!!!
SO here’s the story – cause I ‘m sooooo easily distracted from my brilliance… LOL…
Here I am I was advised to get me some braids to go into this Saturdays Match 8-24-17 and well I got a referral to the best in town for braids. She and I worked for 8 hours. I sat and she stood; her hands busy on my head while mine where busy on the web creating her web page for a trade.
Let me tell you about Ti. She is from the Bay Area in Cali and a beautiful woman who loves her some country dance’n and good heart filled movies… We watched three that day and some news.
Ti, she loved on me as IF SHE HAD KNOWN ME FOR YEARS. I mean we ghetto gabbed for a while about what it was like growing up in the hood, her in Cali and me off of 19th Ave and Buchanan in an industrial building till I was about 4; then across the street from Encanto park in Phoenix, before my mother moved us to east Mesa. Reminiscing about being the blondest toddler on the street riding my big wheel and how an auto shop was my playground growing up. I made me a great friend. I love her. I looked beautiful just like the girls that you see with braids. We put gold cuffs on and sewed in some sea shells for my Bohemian Beach Babe Look… OH how one day I’ll disappear to a island and live off the trees, sun, and turtles in my gorgeous tanned lean body and me some BRAIDS AGAIN.
Oh, already back to the point of my frustrations.
So here is the grand day before I enter into society and I forgot I had to go to the mall for something. Excited about “yo! i got me some braids” I kept hearing form those I sent pix to, “you know all the “black guys” will be hitting on you now!” I mean I heard that from men and women alike. Well truth be told I thought, okay fine, let them, I don’t know what I’ll say but we’ll see, ya’ll are silly.
Sure enough I got to the mall and the first moment was a beautiful african american man commenting on how beautiful my hair was. I told him I just left from getting them thanks. He replied that my boyfriends not gonna let me outta the house anymore. I smiled and though mmmmm.. Maybe they are right. I go over to the the Clinique counter and go for the total turn around cream I love and meet an amazing gal. She was so kind and helped me. I explained my new braids and that I just got them and why.
While I was walking around the mall, men where staring at me, and it a good way. I was totally covered from head to toe and in a modest long flowing blouse and leggings from working out. So I wasn’t exstravegent, it was the BRAIDs… To be politically correct, white to black and all shade in-between seemed to love my braids… I loved my braids and I loved the feel that I am different and I am still adored. I mean I was in my car and men where stopping with wife under their arm staring at me and smiling like “Yeah Baby”, c’mon girls you know what I’m talking about. You know. You know that stare when you’re like, man I hope 1) his girlfriend don’t catch him and 2) thanks but I’m not here for your entertainment. 3) I got a man- your making me uncomfortable
4) I gotta take that guys advise from when I walked in Dillards.
LET ME STATE NOW THE REASON THEY CAME OUT….
I HAD TO BE IN COMPLIANCE FOR THE GRAPPLING MATCHES I AM WANTING TO COMPETE IN AND NOT GET MY HAIR RIPPED OUT BY THE WOMEN!!!!!
So then came the WOMEN.. Outside of two women that supported my “new Soooo Shanon” look was hate, disgust and judgement. I felt for the first time in my life what it MIGHT BE LIKE TO BE NOT WHITE!!! There I said it! NOT WHITE….
I couldn’t understand why at first women and some men that night kept giving me dirty looks and shame started to wrap it’s claws around my throat and heart. I felt down trodden and less than. I started to feel like I looked “WERID” and I didn’t belong. I wanted to crawl in a shell and go away.
Just earlier that day I looked like this.
When I looked like this I got approval from everyone that was “WHITE” the men were polite and the women were generally great and sometimes evil eyed of envy and jealousy. You can feel these things from their heart and see it in their eyes. For the past year I’ve been studying this in woman alone. I look into their eyes and stay there. not allowing my eye to wonder lest I sin in “comparison”. Don’t get me wrong I have all sorts of insecurities trying to be “perfect” as the world say’s I’m suppose to look and be, but this is a practice I did when I realized I just wanna honor you and love you for who you are not what you are trying to be.
Okay back to the story… of Yo! I got me some Braids, Ti!!!!”
So the next day I was at work, my boss was sooooo cool about the whole thing. I am a fundraiser for a company and before people walked up to me all the time and I to them. Generally I was inviting to their standards and conditioning. BUT WITH BRAIDS – I’ve never had so many WHITE people run away from me. I mean seriously. I had one guy (caucasian) walking by on his way up I said, “Hi, happy Thursday, and he smiled” and the next time he walked by and I stepped towards him he *********
NOT AN EXAGERATION AT ALL, Started to ALMOST RUN WITH PIZZAS IN HAND, SPEAKING IN FEAR, ” NOT! MY! STYLE!” again “NOT! MY! STYLE!” Then he jumped in his black very nice, very sleek slightly lifted, pick up truck and drove off.
Generally most rejections are not you, they are just that people are not interested or they don’t wanna be sold. Whatever story they give or excuse they planned out, they are not saying NO to you, just they wanna move on faster. My approach is different, I just like to share and ask if they wanna help me, help others, and be someone paying it forward. But this time, this WAS VERY PERSONAL AND PREJUDICED AND HURTFUL AND DOWN RIGHT MEAN.
I couldn’t believe it, I had never been so embarrassed for being me. I’ve been called crazy and even laughed at, right to my face before, had those who claim to love me, put me down degrading me, and call me names that all hurt, but this was down right MEAN, RUDE, UN-PUBLIC ALL BECAUSE, BECAUSE I LOOKED DIFFERENT THAN WHAT HE LIKED – HE UNILATERALLY PUT ME INTO TEARS, AND DOWNED MY HEART OF HAPPINESS ALL THE WHILE WITH A FACE OF DISGUST & YELPED, AS HE RAN TO HIS CAR, “NOT! MY! STYLE! , NOT! MY! STYLE!” I mean geez. Where did he get off thinking I was into him? I have a J.O.B. to do. That is ask if you would like to help the kids and to learn about this program. I was smiling cause your suppose to, and that’s me always smiling and bright.
I think back and I held in my tears because I was at work and had to “do a job”, but looking back how mean, rude, and prejudiced. Did he invest 3 minutes to ask me “hey lady why do you have some braids? And I could have told him, I am trying to get into a few momma MMA fights to raise money for Orphans here locally. He could of laughter at me then AFTERWARDS or privately would have been best. But NOOOOOOO He straight up judged and ran away… IT WAS TOO BAD THAT I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO WEAR THEM BRAIDS LONGER AND I WILL SOON ENOUGH. I mean I might even chase down the next idiot robot and torment him with my braids… LOL ugh SMH!!! (Shake My Head).
The point of my rambling and healing is this…. WHY DO WE STILL HAVE ISSUES WITH SKIN COLOR & SELF EXPRESSION. I mean take a look around, braids ain’t that back in the grand scheme of things. Not one person is better than the other, and NOT one culture knows it all. I don’t care where in the world you are, we ALL have value and are love able.
Had I not met Ray, I’d never known what it was like to be loved. Now I can see that many love me for me, all messed up and imperfect AND a childhood of abuse and nightmares. I’ve done drugs, I’ve rode fake bulls, and I have a really messed up family childhood story. Ray he single handedly taught me over a year period that I was worthy of being loved and as he puts it, “Shanon, I never saw you as damaged goods, but my goods to take care of that damage.” Guess what, he’s a big tall black man with long black braids like Sampson and was a Football Player until a judge ruined our dreams and instead of giving him a slap on the wrist for a first time offense, SHE SLAPPED HIM WITH 2.5 YEARS IN THE GREAT PLACE WE KNOW AS THE ARIZONA D.O.C.. PRISON FOR A FIRST OFFENSE AND NEVER OFFERED ANYTHING ELSE, they ran him for two years doing nothing up drying up his funds for the systems pocket book(s) and it’s junkies involved. Did you know that most of the judges have a personal and financial interest in “private prisons”. Where did my Ray go? To a private prison of course for 2 years and then he was transferred to a state prison. Good old Whetstone where people go to die, as one man wrote me.
Well that was my braid story and a little about a “beautiful black man” who loved me so much that he allowed me to bloom into the woman I am today even from behind the walls of prison. Sending me love letters, telling me how proud he is of me, and encouraging me to accomplish our dreams, inspire of his current restrains, cause its for the children!!!
I get letters of how he’s treated like an animal and the mental abuse is worse than the physical abuse they seem to choreograph… These officers set them up to fall into their traps and so they can detain them another 5-10-&30 days…..Bully DOC officers going above and beyond their vested powers. Ask a cop, not an officer but a cop and he’ll tell you they are wanna be officers. I’ve met a few good ones, while being their for Ray, but in Whetstone and Marana they treat him like he’s less than a dog. Is it cause he’s a beautiful black man, or is it cause he’s an athlete, or is it cause they have no one to stop them and they right now can do and say whatever they want to!!!!!
Ray is a beautiful man regardless of his color and profession, because he is and was willing to love someone as broken as I was. Instead of thinking bad of me cause I had a terrible childhood or cause I had white skin, he loved me cause I was broken and wanted to fix me so I could shine, even if I were green!
EVERY DAY AT 3:49PM MY PHONE ALARM GOES OFF AND I TAKE A MOMENT TO ASK GOD TO PLEASE HELP RAY. TO PLEASE RELEASE HIM FROM THE PRISON OF THIS WORLD, AND TO HELP OTHER INMATES TO PLEASE BE RELEASED THAT LIKE MY RAY, DON’T DESERVE TO BE HELD IN THE WALLS OF HURT ANYMORE.
BRAIDS, YO! WE SHOULD ALL GET THEM AND WEAR THEM FOR A MONTH TO HONOR GREAT PEOPLE WORLD WIDE…
I am declaring OCTOBER NATIONAL BRAID MONTH.. If your too afraid to say you SUPPORT SPIFI (Someone Paying It Forward) then say it’s for HALLOWEEN, but let those bullies and beautiful know that you’ve got a spine and STAND for REAL WORLD WARRIORS!!!
I have a GOFUNDME ACCOUNT FOR RAY TO HELP HIM GET MONEY FOR AN ATTORNEY WHO WILL HELP HIM THIS TIME, NOT HURT HIM. ONE WHO WILL RESTORE HIS RIGHTS, GET HIM A TRY OUT AND A CONTRACT WITH THE NFL AND LET THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN GET HIS LIFE BACK….
Thanks for reading, oh my gosh if you’ve gotten this far and are still reading, HUGSSSSSS!!
#IamGodsDaughter #SPIFI #PRAY4RAY349